Piss Pants Souvenir

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I was out with a bunch of my friends in Chicago having a great time enjoying the weekend. It was still very early, but all of us were already hammered out of our minds. We were talking to a bunch of girls and after some meaningless chit-chat I wound up going back with one of them. The moment we got into her room we ferociously ripped off our clothes and pounced on each other. While I was “giving her the business” she told me to stop because she thought she heard something. The noise was coming from downstairs and it sounded like someone was walking around inside her apartment.

The girl had a frightened look on her face and she started swearing, “Shit, Shit, Shit!” informing me that her boyfriend must be home. She quickly threw on some clothes and instructed me to be quiet and not to leave her room. She went downstairs to confront her boyfriend and through the floor boards I could hear the two of them arguing back and forth. As I mentioned earlier, me and my friends had been drinking A LOT and I wound up passing out in her bed while she was downstairs fighting with her boyfriend. When I woke up I realized that I had pissed myself. My pants were soaking wet and her entire room reeked of urine. I didn’t know what to do so I took off my pants and grabbed a quilt that I found lying next to her bed. I made sure I still had my keys and wallet and swiftly snuck out the back door of the apartment.

I was roaming around the city wearing some strange looking quilt trying to get a hold of one of my friends. After about 45 minutes of non-stop calling, one of my friends finally answered. He came and picked me up laughing as rolled up seeing me standing on the sidewalk pants-less with a strange quilt wrapped around my body. I filled him in on my crazy night and we both laughed at the fact that I left my piss pants rolled in a ball in the middle of the girl’s room as a souvenir.

PCB Strip Club

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It was Spring Break and I was down at Panama City Beach with a bunch of my college buddies. We were all getting hammered at the bars when one of the guys threw out the idea of hitting up a strip club. Being that our group consisted of 8 guys we didn’t really need much convincing and immediately hopped on the strip club bandwagon. I mean who doesn’t love girls prancing around stage taking off their clothes.

At the strip club we all sat around the main stage and ordered shots and drinks while gawking and making crude comments at all the girls undressing before us. After the one stripper’s set was over she strolled over to one of my friends, wiped the drool from his face, and asked if he wanted a private dance. Meanwhile, the song “Gold Digger” came on, (how ironic for a stripper song) and out came this beautiful brunette playfully flirting with the crowd showing us her sexiest moves both on the floor and the dance pole. While crawling on all fours she glanced over at me and seductively blew me a kiss. Her gaze pulled me in like a giant tractor beam. I was mesmerized by this dancer and completely forgot that she was only toying with me in hopes of extracting as much money as possible from my wallet.

I drunkenly got out of my chair and hopped up on stage to dance with my naked beauty. I started grinding up on the stripper and even took a couple spins around the pole until I heard a couple of men shouting and suddenly I felt a pair of giant hands on my back ripping me off of the stage. Before I knew it I was being carried towards the exit by two bouncers who if painted green could have passed for cousins of the Incredible Hulk. Of course not one of my friends came to my rescue as they just stayed put laughing their asses off.

It was still early in the night and all my friends were still inside so I couldn’t just call it a night. I decided to go up to one of the Hulk-like bouncers and offered him $50 to let me back inside. To my surprise this actually worked and he let me back in the club. When I got back to where everyone was sitting my friends started hooting and hollering proclaiming me as the strip club king. In return for making all my friends laugh harder than they have before they made sure I didn’t have to pay for a single drink for the rest of the night. Well I must have I drank too much because the next thing I remember is being carried out by the same two bouncers who showed me the exit earlier in the night. I guess I fell asleep in my chair and was once again being kicked out. Needless to say, I won’t be going back to that strip club anytime soon.